What does a “nor­mal” sex life actu­ally look like? Very few of us know the answer to that ques­tion. In this sec­tion of The Essen­tial Ele­ments of Sex, we explore what research is telling us about sex and how it impacts the way we relate to our spouse. In the process, we address eight com­mon mis­con­cep­tions about sex includ­ing the big three: You always feel desire before arousal, He is always the one who wants sex, and I have to feel emo­tion­ally con­nected before sex.

In the Faith sec­tion of the course, we inves­ti­gate why we believe what each of us indi­vid­u­ally believes regard­ing sex­ual inti­macy, and then we explore what God actu­ally designed for us. Course par­tic­i­pants will each set a goal that they will work towards dur­ing the course so that they can make mea­sur­able change in their rela­tion­ship over the dura­tion of time.

In this sec­tion of the course, we draw upon the most recent research on the dif­fer­ences in the gen­ders to under­stand both ver­bal and active styles of com­mu­ni­ca­tion. This enables cou­ples to find com­mon ground when address­ing their sex lives so that they can use the dif­fer­ences between them as cat­a­lysts to inti­macy rather than acrimony.

In this ses­sion, cou­ples iden­tify and ana­lyze the rit­u­als that they already have in their sex­ual rela­tion­ship – their paving, ini­ti­at­ing, bed­ding and res­o­lu­tion rit­u­als – with a view to decid­ing if they are effec­tive for them or if changes need to take place.  After­wards, we dis­cuss that when God leads us into sea­sons of the unknown, it is a per­sonal invi­ta­tion to inti­macy. Learn­ing con­tent­ment in uncer­tainty is an entry point into true intimacy.

The sec­tion on plea­sure not only high­lights the impor­tance of both spouses giv­ing and receiv­ing plea­sure but also gives taste­ful and prac­ti­cal edu­ca­tion on how to do so. This is why the plea­sure sec­tion must work in tan­dem with respect. When a lack of respect (real or per­ceived) creeps into a couple’s mar­riage, it inevitably man­i­fests in the bed­room. Pref­er­ence will not be given to each other’s needs, and a tit-​​for-​​tat cycle of with­hold­ing from each other can begin. This cycle needs to be iden­ti­fied and inter­rupted in order for sex­ual enjoy­ment to flour­ish. In this sec­tion, par­tic­i­pants explore the var­i­ous ways pop­u­lar cul­ture encour­ages a lack of respect to per­sist in rela­tion­ships, and then deter­mine very prac­ti­cal ways to make inten­tional changes so that both respect and plea­sure can flourish.

Cou­ples whose sex lacks any cre­ativ­ity are at risk of suc­cumb­ing to the most sub­tle but deadly threats: bore­dom. In this sec­tion of the course, we inves­ti­gate var­i­ous ways cou­ples can inject new life into their sex­ual rela­tion­ship in a man­ner that suits the per­son­al­i­ties of the spouses.

But before cre­ativ­ity can thrive, it is essen­tial to under­stand that bro­ken trust and unfor­give­ness will impede growth in any sex­ual rela­tion­ship if they are allowed to fes­ter. Through this ses­sion cou­ples learn about the impor­tance of trust, what that looks like in day-​​to-​​day life, and par­tic­i­pate in an inten­sive, per­sonal for­give­ness exercise.

In this ses­sion, cou­ples are given tools and tech­niques to rebuild pas­sion both for each other and in their per­sonal lives. After a fuller under­stand­ing of pas­sion is achieved, cou­ples explore the impor­tance of “being attrac­tive” to their spouse in a man­ner that is spe­cific to their spouse, as opposed to stereo­types of attrac­tive­ness as defined by pop culture.

The pur­pose of this ses­sion is relapse pre­ven­tion.  It gives cou­ples the tools to con­tinue to build inti­macy in the years to come and to get back on track if they find them­selves in a rut. Cou­ples graph their Per­sonal Sat­is­fac­tion Assess­ments to see visual rep­re­sen­ta­tions of sig­nif­i­cant break-​​thorough in their rela­tion­ship so that, should they find them­selves in places of dif­fi­culty again, they can apply the solu­tions that they dis­cov­ered dur­ing the course.